I started a rant a while ago, but called to do something else or something. Not much, but it almost makes you think. I'll probably never finish it, so deal with it.
As I sit here, restlessly wandering the ever shifting roads of the interweb, I am haunted by a strange irony. I, unexpectedly, am not avoiding work, except maybe searching for obscure scholarship competitions. Everything I need to have done for tomorrow, and even the day after that is already finished. One would think that this sort of state would bring peace of mind, but, as an avid procrastinator, I find it very frustrating to have all my work taken care of. I am driven by the last minute panic and pseudo-organization that normally brings my projects together miraculously. With everything accounted for, however, I am beset with a subtle dread, thinking perhaps I missed something.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Sunday, March 19, 2006
LehrerMann: MARTEN
LehrerMann: THOU'RT A BANANA
Pinball Jedi 42: Am not
LehrerMann: Are too.
Pinball Jedi 42: Am Not!
LehrerMann: Are Too!
Pinball Jedi 42: AM NOT
LehrerMann: ARE TOO
Pinball Jedi 42: Prove it.
LehrerMann: ARE TOO
Pinball Jedi 42: That is not proof.
LehrerMann: I have all the evidence right here.
LehrerMann: Look!
LehrerMann: Here it is!
Pinball Jedi 42: I don't see it
Pinball Jedi 42: I don't think it's real
LehrerMann: I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Pinball Jedi 42: I find your lack of proof annoying.
LehrerMann: I find your face annoying.
Pinball Jedi 42: I find your mom annoying.
LehrerMann: I win.
Pinball Jedi 42: I win more.
Pinball Jedi 42: than you
Pinball Jedi 42: forever
LehrerMann: I win the most.
Pinball Jedi 42: Only not, because I win more than you forever.
Pinball Jedi 42: Infinitely multiplied.
LehrerMann: I used the superlative.
Pinball Jedi 42: I USED INFINITY!
Pinball Jedi 42: THE INFINILATIVE!
LehrerMann: That's not a word. You = failure.
Pinball Jedi 42: I make my own words. I am Omnipotent.
LehrerMann: Prove it.
Pinball Jedi 42: The proof is obvious. Just look at the word I just made.
LehrerMann: That's not evidence.
Pinball Jedi 42: Is so.
LehrerMann: Unless my use of the word furmambulocity makes me equally omnipotent.
Pinball Jedi 42: what does that mean?
LehrerMann: It means that I am omnipotent.
Pinball Jedi 42: The difference between your word and mine is that mine actually seemed to mean something
Pinball Jedi 42: your's is random sylables
LehrerMann: I think that any meaning your word had just got killed by your awful grammar.
LehrerMann: And spelling.
Pinball Jedi 42: Speleeng is billow me. Wordz bend two meye will.
Pinball Jedi 42: It's more evidence of my omnipotence
LehrerMann: Or your lack of language competence.
Pinball Jedi 42: Language mastery.
Pinball Jedi 42: Some follow rules, I make them.
LehrerMann: dlkfsajlkajlksmdlkmcslknagdnfrlhaukfgh;jeotwpjwnmlkbmwrmvocm
LehrerMann: Did you understand that?
Pinball Jedi 42: Yes.
Pinball Jedi 42: You basically submitted to me completely
Pinball Jedi 42: and you don't even know it
LehrerMann: Wrong.
LehrerMann: That was Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, transcribed very concisely.
LehrerMann: As you can see, I am an amazing and omnipotent genius, as evidenced by your failure to understand my work.
Pinball Jedi 42: yes, but what you don't understand is that through my omnipotency, I influenced Shakespeare to write Romeo and Juliet in the first place, and the true meaning underlying the entire plot is a tribute to my incredible power.
LehrerMann: You may have influenced him, but I actually wrote most of it myself.
LehrerMann: And I built Jesus out of Legos with my own two hands.
Pinball Jedi 42: Okay, you win
Pinball Jedi 42: that was just too funny for me to contrive a way to out do you.
LehrerMann: Excellent.
LehrerMann: Victory is mine.
Pinball Jedi 42: Congratulations. Now you are the Banana.
LehrerMann: I can deal with that.
LehrerMann: THOU'RT A BANANA
Pinball Jedi 42: Am not
LehrerMann: Are too.
Pinball Jedi 42: Am Not!
LehrerMann: Are Too!
Pinball Jedi 42: AM NOT
LehrerMann: ARE TOO
Pinball Jedi 42: Prove it.
LehrerMann: ARE TOO
Pinball Jedi 42: That is not proof.
LehrerMann: I have all the evidence right here.
LehrerMann: Look!
LehrerMann: Here it is!
Pinball Jedi 42: I don't see it
Pinball Jedi 42: I don't think it's real
LehrerMann: I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Pinball Jedi 42: I find your lack of proof annoying.
LehrerMann: I find your face annoying.
Pinball Jedi 42: I find your mom annoying.
LehrerMann: I win.
Pinball Jedi 42: I win more.
Pinball Jedi 42: than you
Pinball Jedi 42: forever
LehrerMann: I win the most.
Pinball Jedi 42: Only not, because I win more than you forever.
Pinball Jedi 42: Infinitely multiplied.
LehrerMann: I used the superlative.
Pinball Jedi 42: I USED INFINITY!
Pinball Jedi 42: THE INFINILATIVE!
LehrerMann: That's not a word. You = failure.
Pinball Jedi 42: I make my own words. I am Omnipotent.
LehrerMann: Prove it.
Pinball Jedi 42: The proof is obvious. Just look at the word I just made.
LehrerMann: That's not evidence.
Pinball Jedi 42: Is so.
LehrerMann: Unless my use of the word furmambulocity makes me equally omnipotent.
Pinball Jedi 42: what does that mean?
LehrerMann: It means that I am omnipotent.
Pinball Jedi 42: The difference between your word and mine is that mine actually seemed to mean something
Pinball Jedi 42: your's is random sylables
LehrerMann: I think that any meaning your word had just got killed by your awful grammar.
LehrerMann: And spelling.
Pinball Jedi 42: Speleeng is billow me. Wordz bend two meye will.
Pinball Jedi 42: It's more evidence of my omnipotence
LehrerMann: Or your lack of language competence.
Pinball Jedi 42: Language mastery.
Pinball Jedi 42: Some follow rules, I make them.
LehrerMann: dlkfsajlkajlksmdlkmcslknagdnfrlhaukfgh;jeotwpjwnmlkbmwrmvocm
LehrerMann: Did you understand that?
Pinball Jedi 42: Yes.
Pinball Jedi 42: You basically submitted to me completely
Pinball Jedi 42: and you don't even know it
LehrerMann: Wrong.
LehrerMann: That was Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, transcribed very concisely.
LehrerMann: As you can see, I am an amazing and omnipotent genius, as evidenced by your failure to understand my work.
Pinball Jedi 42: yes, but what you don't understand is that through my omnipotency, I influenced Shakespeare to write Romeo and Juliet in the first place, and the true meaning underlying the entire plot is a tribute to my incredible power.
LehrerMann: You may have influenced him, but I actually wrote most of it myself.
LehrerMann: And I built Jesus out of Legos with my own two hands.
Pinball Jedi 42: Okay, you win
Pinball Jedi 42: that was just too funny for me to contrive a way to out do you.
LehrerMann: Excellent.
LehrerMann: Victory is mine.
Pinball Jedi 42: Congratulations. Now you are the Banana.
LehrerMann: I can deal with that.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Customer Service.
Another random dialogue just sort of popped into my head. It could probably be better, but whatever.
The setting is a well-kept barbecue. The walls are lined with posters promoting chili, peppers, sauces, Texas, and various western things. The menu board above the serving line displays meat and side options, as well as a few specials and differing order sizes. Next to the serving line is a shelf with sauces, powders and meat rubs for sale. A customer walks in, examines the menu board, and makes his choice.
Customer: I'd like to order a pound of bulk meat.
Server: Al'right, what kind of meat would you like?
Customer: Well, I can't really decide. Could I have that split into a quarter pound of chicken, sausage, brisket, and pork?
Server: Yes, but I'll have to charge you $5 extra.
Customer: WHAT? Why?
Server: Because you're ordering 4 regular meat portions. It's not bulk meat.
Customer: Yes it is! I'm ordering a pound of bulk meat, I just want it split.
Server: ...Do you know what bulk means?
There is an ackward silence as the server finishes the order.
Server: Okay, what kind of sauce do you want with this?
Customer: I'd like the spicy.
The server places a large, eight ounce container on the counter.
Customer: Could I have another one of those?
Server: (sighing) Yes, but I'll have to charge you.
Customer:Why? The menu says all orders come with sauce on the side.
Server: Yes, all orders come with sauce on the side. No where does it say, however, that sauce comes on all sides.
Customer: Don't get smart with me kid, your job is to give me what I order.
Server: Look, we sell bottles of this stuff here. I can't give you all the sauce you want for free, it's economically unsound.
Customer: Hasn't anyone ever told you that the customer's always right?
Server: (under his breath) Not if the customer's a moron.
Customer: I Heard That! I don't have to take this, I'm leaving. You've just lost a customer!
Server: Not much of a loss if it's a customer that doesn't want to pay for anything
The setting is a well-kept barbecue. The walls are lined with posters promoting chili, peppers, sauces, Texas, and various western things. The menu board above the serving line displays meat and side options, as well as a few specials and differing order sizes. Next to the serving line is a shelf with sauces, powders and meat rubs for sale. A customer walks in, examines the menu board, and makes his choice.
Customer: I'd like to order a pound of bulk meat.
Server: Al'right, what kind of meat would you like?
Customer: Well, I can't really decide. Could I have that split into a quarter pound of chicken, sausage, brisket, and pork?
Server: Yes, but I'll have to charge you $5 extra.
Customer: WHAT? Why?
Server: Because you're ordering 4 regular meat portions. It's not bulk meat.
Customer: Yes it is! I'm ordering a pound of bulk meat, I just want it split.
Server: ...Do you know what bulk means?
There is an ackward silence as the server finishes the order.
Server: Okay, what kind of sauce do you want with this?
Customer: I'd like the spicy.
The server places a large, eight ounce container on the counter.
Customer: Could I have another one of those?
Server: (sighing) Yes, but I'll have to charge you.
Customer:Why? The menu says all orders come with sauce on the side.
Server: Yes, all orders come with sauce on the side. No where does it say, however, that sauce comes on all sides.
Customer: Don't get smart with me kid, your job is to give me what I order.
Server: Look, we sell bottles of this stuff here. I can't give you all the sauce you want for free, it's economically unsound.
Customer: Hasn't anyone ever told you that the customer's always right?
Server: (under his breath) Not if the customer's a moron.
Customer: I Heard That! I don't have to take this, I'm leaving. You've just lost a customer!
Server: Not much of a loss if it's a customer that doesn't want to pay for anything
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Most Ironic Parody, Ever
LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER
I want to build my LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER
I want to build my lightsaber
I want to use the force
I want to build my lightsaber
I'd only fight for good, of course
You say black, I say white,
you say dark I say Light,
you say join me and I say hey, man,
ruling isn't my sceneand I don't start clone wars
You say flight, I say droids,
You say Sith, I'll avoid
You say fight, I say fine,
I'll use the Force to defend The Republic to the very end
All I wanna do is
LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER
I want to build my LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABERI
want to build my lightsaber
I want to use the force
I want to build my lightsaber
I'd only fight for
Lightsaber battles are comin' your way
So remember your training, padawan
The Dark Lords of Sith will be fighting today
So look out for those devils, young one
Use the force, get set, Go!
Lightsaber fight, Lightsaber fight, Lightsaber fight
LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER
I want to build my LIGHTSABER
LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER
Lightsaber Fight
You say Darth, I say Maul
You say Jump, I say Fall
Hot dog I say cool it man
I don't wanna be the Chancelor of the Republic
You say smile I say cheese
Jawa Juice, I say please
Death Sticks I say Force! You want
to give up vice and strife
Go home and rethink your life
cuz all I wanna do is
LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER
I want to build my LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER
I want to build my lightsaber
I want to use the force
I want to build my lightsaber
I'd only fight for good, of course
I want to build my LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER
I want to build my lightsaber
I want to use the force
I want to build my lightsaber
I'd only fight for good, of course
You say black, I say white,
you say dark I say Light,
you say join me and I say hey, man,
ruling isn't my sceneand I don't start clone wars
You say flight, I say droids,
You say Sith, I'll avoid
You say fight, I say fine,
I'll use the Force to defend The Republic to the very end
All I wanna do is
LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER
I want to build my LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABERI
want to build my lightsaber
I want to use the force
I want to build my lightsaber
I'd only fight for
Lightsaber battles are comin' your way
So remember your training, padawan
The Dark Lords of Sith will be fighting today
So look out for those devils, young one
Use the force, get set, Go!
Lightsaber fight, Lightsaber fight, Lightsaber fight
LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER
I want to build my LIGHTSABER
LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER
Lightsaber Fight
You say Darth, I say Maul
You say Jump, I say Fall
Hot dog I say cool it man
I don't wanna be the Chancelor of the Republic
You say smile I say cheese
Jawa Juice, I say please
Death Sticks I say Force! You want
to give up vice and strife
Go home and rethink your life
cuz all I wanna do is
LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER
I want to build my LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER
I want to build my lightsaber
I want to use the force
I want to build my lightsaber
I'd only fight for good, of course
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